Here it is another reason to celebrate. It is officially Ground Hawg Day today and I knew I awoke early this Sat. morning for a reason. I never understood this "hawg" talk as they may say here in Ga. (That is how they spell and pronounce Ga. Bull"dawg" here) and you will not get through a day here in the South without seeing something or someone displaying a Ga. Bull "dawg" anything.. How the heck does someone know if a Ground Hog sees his shadow and what does that have to do with the price of "lead paint" in China? If we have a early, late, or no Spring.. what does it really matter. We are still going to be in a drought, the economy is going to still "suck", the Presidential Candidates are still going to be spending millions and millions of dollars to try and convince the public just how many millions they will try and save our country. Hmmmm... makes a lot of sense huh? I think the candidate who could drum up the most votes would be the one who would only send out cards on ol' recycled paper thrown from a train or something. Or better yet, just advertise on those big airplanes that you can barder ad time for with the airlines who could use a free tank of gas or something. Surely you politicians aren't paying the same prices we are. I would vote for the candidate who would say one time and in free papers around the country.. Hey, I am running folks, I can't promise you anything but I am not going to waste my money and yours to do it either. While people are homeless, gas is $3.00 a gallon, people are dying of cancer, aids, and hunger, jobs are scarce, we are still in a stupid war for what? You expect me to parade around the country wasting money to tell you that. Well I don't think so. Go with your "gut" and if you elect me and I do well.. then your "gut" won. If I don't, then I will move over and let the "million dollar" candidate take a shot at this role we call "President". I would like to think of the role as Mom or Dad. How comforting to know we have the Father of Our Country leading or better yet.. Big Mama in the White House. What about these first wives. Is there ever going to be someone running with a big mama standing next to him. What does that say about who is running. You care about what someone looks like? So you may not want someone overweight collecting food stamps (yeah I guess that is the last thing ya' need as a chubbette) or getting Medicare? I would vote for the candidate that had a spouse with a little meat on her/him. Can you imagine how creative the State Dinners would be. No more Duck in the Dining Room. Tonight we are having Chicken Livers with a little taters and gravy and sweet tea. Cobbler with ice cream for dessert. Oh yeah, we will still have drinks before dinner. I am opting for big Pina Coladas with umbrellas. Might as well get fancy being in the Whitehouse. So, what's up with all those beautiful spouses of the candidates. I have never seen one yet that did not look good. I am telling you folks, they are spending all our tax dollars on make-up and I know that for sure. It takes my pay-check just to look mediocre so you know they are into some big bucks. That worries me a little. Look at John McCain's wife. She could be another Desperate Housewife. She just looks too good is all I can say. How can you look that darn good after all that travel. I have yet to see one of them with a pimple, or just a bad hair day. Black roots or mascara under their eyes. I know one of them has to have a run in their pantyhose sometime! Good grief, can you look like one of us just for once. Bloated, do you not get bloated on the campaign highway? Make-up is good but it is not that great. You cannot erase those worry and frown lines or extra chocolate bar results that easy. I just want one ugly homely spouse for a change. Make me feel like you truly know how I feel as an American Citizen. I want one candidate who can say that they too have been over-drawn, over-worked, and under-paid in their life-time. Just once, I want to see a candidate drive a Taurus. Just once, I want to know they clip coupons and their own toe-nails. Just once, I want to know they burp, snore, and on occasion have to roll their dandruff off with a lint brush. (I blame it on dog hair) Just once, I want to see a candidate go through the Drive through "getting a sack full" especially about 3 days after your diet. Aren't they emotional eaters too? If that is the case, they should all weigh 300 pounds, so they have all had to have had Gastric Bypass surgery. No wonder we never see them eat.. I want a candidate who has to cut his campaign day short in order to go home and help with homework, cook dinner and try and come up with another way to use hamburger, do laundry, feed the dog, and all before you go to bed and get up and do it all over again. I want a candidate who has a kid who is not the Student of the Month or Honor Roll recepient. Or if you do, let's see a bumper sticker on one of those un-marked cars that claims you were lucky enough to have a kid do well despite they all deserve bumper stickers in my book. If you can survive one day in the Public School without getting shot, shamed, or shown the door, then you ARE the Student of the Day, Week, Month and Year and that speaks for itself. I want to see a candidate who has spinach in his teeth, or better yet missing one or two. Not everyone has dental insurance so you should not be any better for that matter. I wouldn't mind seeing a candidate who is handicap. God knows that someone who can live in their shoes, could lead this company hands down. You are the ones who are the heroes and would "dump the drama" before you even get near the big house. You would not complain about ugly Walmarts and whether they need to be "bricked" or not in order to be allowed to come into your neighborhood and yada yada yada.. You would move sex offenders to their own "neck of the woods".. hell. You would not think twice about sending someone to prison and it would not take billions of dollars to do that especially when they said, yeah I did.. You would not hesitate to make restaurants give their leftover food to the homeless.. what a waste we have in our country. You would not think twice about allowing everyone over 60 to obtain free prescriptions and God knows the Dr.s always have enough samples floatin' around their offices. In a nutshell, we don't care if you see your shadow, your mother who gave you up at birth, see in the future, see stars, or see nothing because maybe you are a blind Ground Hawg... we just want you to see your way to your water, food bowl, Ground Hawg partner, baby, or Ground Hawg Ho Dawg.. we just want you to be Happy Ground Hog. Whatever it takes Hawg, just be happy. That is all we are asking too from our candidates running for President..just make us happy and it doesn't have to be on a big scale either.. just keep us warm, fed, and working. It is that simple folks.. sounds a lot like what it takes to maintain a Ground Hog. It is just that simple.. Happy Ground Hawg Day! Suzy Q
